David Bowie gave me strength of spirit when I set out to shape-shift/fix my back years ago. And again, years later, when we decided to move to Berlin.
A back issue I had as a kid solidified to something problematic by the time I graduated from college. In my early 20s, a recent grad, I was living in New York and realized I should fix my back before it managed to instruct (or obstruct) my life. I luckily had the foresight to know that I didn't want to wake up one day, middle-aged, and realize it was too late to adjust, so I figured I should work fast. I had enormous tension in my back which had gotten to the point where my nerves had grown numb, losing all feeling (a.k.a. I could not feel a chair––or even a cement bench––when I sat down, and it was starting to scare me.)
Turn And Face The Strange
Without guidance, I decided to start my own treatment. It would prove to be a challenge. After years of being extremely self-motivated and working hard in school, here I was––young and in New York––but instead of feeling carefree I had this new, most vital and troublesome responsibility. Nevertheless, I found that I was able to visualize my back in a relaxed state and breathe accordingly to physically achieve that vision. A lot of breathing, expanding my core (instinctually), to the point where I'd get extremely relaxed and all built-up tension would gradually release. But moments later––since I wasn't physically used to having the tension gone––my back would tighten up again and it was painful. This would often lead to a sort of anxiety attack which was physical, not emotional––understandably, since I was trying to expel years of tension trapped within my physical form. I listened to Bowie's 'Hunky Dory' album every day during that difficult stage. Bowies' songs and spirit helped and inspired me. It was a physically grueling process, but I kept at it.
It's The Freakiest Show
I had already seen that the release of tension was possible in an extreme and transformative way, and I knew it would just take time to adjust to the changes. It took three years of diligence in total until my relaxed back 'stuck' in a way I could maintain. A lengthened back also meant more length to adjust to, and I wanted the process to be gradual enough so that the difference wouldn't freak my friends and family out too much. I was lucky to have the support of my then-boyfriend. It felt like a science-fiction story. The resulting changes were indeed evident––in a good way. It was obvious that the changes in my form were healthy, and of course my quality of life would be so much better with a comfortable back.
'Cause We Believe In You
To this day I have a comfortable, tension-free back. I've always been thankful for David Bowie for being a source of strength during that difficult time. He gave me courage to do something unusual, but highly necessary. Because of David Bowie, I had more gumption to go through something isolated, shape-shifting, unusual. A metamorphoses. He gave me the figurative spine to correct my physical one.
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Just A Mortal With The Potential Of A Superman
I have always been glad I came out on the other side of that experience perfectly fine, in no small part thanks to Bowie and those daily Hunky Dory listenings. A few years later, also while living in New York (by then also free of back tension) I passed Iman pushing their daughter in a stroller in the street in Soho and it made me feel ridiculously happy.
Will You Stay In Our Lovers' Story?
I often credit Francoise Hardy (who's also had a huge impact on my life) with my marrying a Capricorn, because I Ioved her calm, grounded demeanor. But before her, David Bowie was my favorite Capricorn and I was intrigued by the idea of being with one because of him. So I'm also indebted to him for my being so immediately drawn to the person who would become my husband.
When we made our decision to move to Berlin a year and a half ago, I had one simple thought: David Bowie. Even at this stage of life, Bowie was an effective inspiration. His love for Berlin gave me courage when it came time to create a life in this city.
Every year in recent memory I have posted something to celebrate 'Elvis/Bowie day'. But for whatever reason, this year on his birthday I felt like being silent. I had no idea he was not well, I just know something made me take pause. While heartbroken at this loss, I thank him from the bottom of my heart––and my spine––for the quality of life I've been able to have since I fixed my back. On top of all that, there's the music, the films, his incredible legacy. Everything. I hope he is resting peacefully.
